I haven’t posted for a while because I was visiting a friend for a week, and then I moved!
The move happened very suddenly. Some wonderful friends have made a space for me in their home so that I can be away from a living situation that was working very badly for me. I have been in my new space for three days now and I already feel much safer.
I’m hoping that once I’ve transitioned out of perpetual-stress mode, I will find the energy to do more of the things I enjoy, and more of the things I need to do to plan for my future.
One of these things is making art.
Particularly when I’m in a stressful environment, it’s easy to be increasingly self-critical. This shows especially when I try to make art. It’s an awful cycle because I am a creative person who has to be making things. I can’t not make things.
I’ve transitioned recently to crafts (like sewing, yarn projects, and jewelry) because those more technical skills that allow me to play with colors and shapes. They are making for the pure joy of design and handiwork. The results make me incredibly happy, and they don’t feel as vulnerable as drawing or painting.
I’m hoping that, as I grow into my new home, I will be able to get back into the swing of making other art, starting to leave behind that nagging fear that tells me that I am a failure if my art is not what I had hoped it would be.
I’m also hoping that I will be able to work up the energy for work-things too, like preparing for the GRE, researching masters’ programs, and making connections so that I can apply for graduate schools next fall. I may also need to find a new job if my term position isn’t renewed this month.
All this feels like a lot to tackle, especially while I’m still recovering from back and hip issues that left me debilitated for half a year.
But I think I’m ready to get started. I’m thankful beyond words that my friends have welcomed me into their home. I think I can start to be myself again.
It feels very vulnerable, but I’m hoping to share some of this process with you. I am considering going to graduate school for science journalism, and while this is a personal blog and not a science blog, I think one of the most important things I can do right now is to write regularly. Knowing that I might be able to connect with another person is a good motivator to do that.
I hope that as I share this process, you will find something here for you too.